


...Listen.

by Nhitori



Category: Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, M/M, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-14
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-05-06 15:41:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5422646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nhitori/pseuds/Nhitori
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To be unwillingly put at the mercy of Shuu Iwamine, and come out alive?</p><p>Professor Nanaki must be somebody really special.</p><p> </p><p>Or maybe just somebody very, very unlucky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Français available: [...Listen.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6985873) by [Scolopendre](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scolopendre/pseuds/Scolopendre)



What was his name?

Kazuaki Nanaki often caught himself wondering that, because he could also be considered to be Hitori Uzune; and yet, he was often loathe to call himself that. As far as he was concerned, Hitori Uzune was dead. Hitori Uzune had died on December eighth, four years ago. But then again, so had Kazuaki Nanaki. Funny, that both of his selves were undeniably dead; ah, but his name really was Kazuaki Nanaki now. He remembered Hitori Uzune. He remembered how Hitori was always such a nice young boy.

The ideal young man that everybody wants their child to be like.

Oh, but now he was exactly the opposite, wasn’t he? He was exactly the sort of person that everyone would raise their children not to grow up to be like. The type of person that, if anybody really knew the truth about him, would make their children stay far away from him. Not Hitori Uzune anymore. Kazuaki Nanaki; only, a different Kazuaki Nanaki than the one who had been living. Nobody knew him anyhow. There was no imprint there to step into, no role in life to fill. People like him were just pathetic. Always complaining. Getting in the way.

He had to die.

That was what Nageki whispered in his ear, after all. Hitori Uzune needed to die that day. And that Kazuaki Nanaki did too. Isa Souma needed a corpse to write off as Nageki’s relative, and there was no way that Hitori could ever get close to him. Hitori’s identity had been as the relative of Nageki Fujishiro, and with that part of him ashes, he really couldn’t say that he existed anymore. He was somebody who shouldn’t even be alive. He was nobody at all, by then. In order to get close to Isa Souma, in order to fulfill Nageki’s wish, he needed to be someone. He needed an identity.

Kazuaki Nanaki was a nobody too, but he had the potential to be somebody. He was enrolled in college, he still had a place in this world. Stepping into his life would be the way out of the pit that Hitori had been thrust into. Being Kazuaki Nanaki was the only way. That Kazuaki Nanaki was truly a convenient person. Nageki saw him as a stepping stone. Not Nageki. Hitori knew this couldn’t really be Nageki. He wanted to believe it was Nageki, though. That Nageki continued to speak to him. So he did. So he listened.

So he became Kazuaki Nanaki.  
So he switched to a math major in Kazuaki’s college.  
So he pulled his image out of filth, and with the driving force of his vengeance,

Graduated.  
Graduated and became employed at St. Pigeonations.

There he was, there it was again. The last time he’d been there had been a traumatizing experience, but it was okay. Nageki was there to guide him, after all, and it was all-new buildings too. None of these walls would echo with the tragedy of days past.

It was nothing short of a good time in his life, really. He’d always wanted to be a teacher, after all, and despite his frequent sleepiness he thought that he did a pretty good job. Nageki was there, a constant presence, though he only spoke when they were completely alone. He stood there in the back of a classroom, a dark shadow, but clearly him. The only bit of color on his form was his eyes, which glowed with all the intensity of that raging blaze which had left him this way. He was made of smoke and fire now.

And when Nanaki-Sensei drifted off in class, it was in that soft warmth. No matter how chilly the classroom got, the things which haunted him kept him comfortably warm. When he thought back to that day when he should have died, he could still feel the heat of the inferno, could still feel the smoke in his lungs, but they were dulled. Dulled down to the very comfort of a space heater, and the smoke was soft and weighed him down, pulling him into sleeps. And these clothes, these clothes which had belonged to Kazuaki, they were so comfortable. So warm. So nice. He could not reverse his sins, so instead he let them wrap around him and keep him in their embrace.

So he smiled. He smiled all the time, he let that warmth permeate his personality. He had to appear harmless, if he was to wait for the perfect moment to get back at Isa Souma. His name was now Doctor Iwamine, but it was unmistakable. Nanaki would recognize that voice anywhere. The voice which had said…

“Listen, we can help Nageki Fujishiro.”

Nanaki found it kind of funny, actually. He didn’t know how many times Isa Souma had changed his name, but it was certainly more than once. In fact, he hadn’t even been able to find him at all while working on his math degree, but that was okay. Criminals always return to the scene of the crime, after all. He even knew it himself. That hotel room, which he and Kazuaki had gone to. That hotel room where both Kazuaki Nanaki and Hitori Uzune had met with an unfortunate end. It stayed just as open, because it wasn’t like he left the body there. He needed something for Souma to find. He stayed there every December eighth.

It was like sleeping in his own grave. It was the only night out of the entire year, when Nageki wouldn’t speak to him. The following night he would whisper and remind him that it was necessary. That people like that had to die. That Kazuaki Nanaki had to die. That Hitori Uzune had to die. That it was only now, he had become something more than useless. Both Hitori and Kazuaki were really worth nothing on their own. Hitori couldn’t avenge Nageki. Kazuaki couldn’t do anything.

Nanaki could.

 

This was how he knew that he’d find Isa Souma at St. Pigeonation’s again, someday. Shuu Iwamine was his name now, but it was unmistakably the same person. Nanaki took some level of sick pride in this. Isa Souma had only changed his name. Nanaki had discarded all of his past self completely, and nobody would ever think to suspect that he was that same person who had supposedly burned to death all those years ago. Especially with a demeanor like this one. Why, he couldn’t hurt a fly. Trusting. Warm. Always cheerful.

Oh, and always falling asleep in the ‘infirmary of doom’. Despite numbers approaching triple digits when it came to how many times Dr. Iwamine had said that the infirmary cots were not meant for sleeping on, he still took to using them for napping. At first it had been an effort to take false naps, and spy on his enemy, but… St. Pigeonations was a school with a big budget, so the cots were just so comfy, and the infirmary’s faint scent of formaldehyde and latex was one that wasn’t so off-putting that it would keep him awake.

“Ah… I fell asleep without meaning to again… I’m sorry, Doctor Iwamine!” Nanaki said sheepishly as he woke up after one of these times, garnering him a fed-up glare from the doctor, who seemed to just be doing some sort of boring paperwork. /Evil/ paperwork, Nanaki assured himself. Everything about Doctor Iwamine was just rotten.

“You came in here, lay down on one of the cots, and went to sleep. I don’t believe you can truly claim that as an accident, Professor Nanaki,” Shuu sighed, pushing his glasses up his nose before standing up slowly and approaching Nanaki, limping ever so slightly on his right side, “How many times have I told you not to do this?”

“Uh… eighty-six?” He asked, still with that goofy smile as he twirled his hair a bit. God, he hated this hair. There was a time when he’d loved it. A time before Kazuaki Nanaki had become a tool for him to use rather than a real person. A time before he needed to wear his hair like this. Despite Kazuaki having no friends, people at his college would have probably still noticed if his appearance had suddenly changed. It was a pain, given that Hitori’s hair was naturally nowhere near as curly as Kazuaki’s. Ah, but he managed.

“Funny. I thought it was only sixty-two. I suppose that I’m getting somewhat used to the annoyance. In any case, I still mean for you to stop. It’s incredibly inconvenient,” Shuu frowned, putting a hand on Nanaki’s knee and leaning closer, “Should this continue, I will no longer hesitate to take action against it.”

“Ahaha… Oh Doctor, I have heard the rumors of students who come to nap in here disappearing mysteriously, but I think a few more eyebrows might be raised if it were a teacher who went missing, don’t you?” He questioned, discreetly moving Shuu’s hand from his knee.

“...Of course. Silly me,” Shuu chuckled softly as he returned to his seat, shooting a glance back at Nanaki, “You called my bluff.”

“Doctor, I’m not sure I like the way that you’re saying that…” He trailed off, though he was still smiling, and he kept his tone one of playful fear, “I’m going to be in a very bad mood if I wake up next time without my head!”

“You? A bad mood? Well. I’ll have to take note of the shocking fact that such a thing is scientifically possible, as well as the equally shocking ability to /wake up/ headless.”

“Well, I do pride myself on being a man of many talents!” He grinned, chuckling a bit and letting his eyes close, though it was only in an expression of glee rather than a precursor to his falling asleep again. He’d been given enough time to nap during this most recent sleep attack that he actually woke up without the cloud of exhaustion that often plagued him.

“I can’t say I ever expected you to have the talent of life after death. Or any other talent besides doing math, for that matter. Forgive me for this assessment, but you seem extraordinarily incapable.” 

“Hey now, Doctor Iwamine! That’s not a nice thing to say about anybody at all…” He pouted, picking up the papery pillow from the infirmary cot and holding it to his chest with a sigh, the ever-present smile now more of a smirk, “I definitely have at least one other talent above you! Washing my hair! It’s all fluffy, but yours is stringy and greasy and gross~!”

The Doctor stood up once more and approached Nanaki, once more, wordlessly reaching up and touching his hair, “Hm. It seems you’re right.”

“Ah… Doctor Iwamine, that wasn’t an invitation to touch me…” He chuckled somewhat uncomfortably, only to immediately find the doctor’s hand pressed up partially on his cheek and partially on his neck.

“In what world would I ever need an invitation?” Iwamine questioned, keeping his hand in that unnerving position as he leaned a bit closer.

“Uhm…” Nanaki chuckled again, leaning backwards. With the doctor right in front of him, he couldn’t stand up from the cot to sidestep like he’d wanted to, “Quite a lot of worlds, actually! It’s generally a universally accepted concept, to ask consent for physical contact with people who aren’t your close friends or family…”

“Hm. A fascinating concept,” Iwamine spoke softly as he closed the distance that Nanaki had put between them, and Nanaki tried to move away further… but could not. He couldn’t move at all, suddenly, “I would have expected you to… avoid me more, just now. Perhaps you’re a liar, and you really would prefer… if I didn’t stop.”

“I assure you, that isn’t the case at all!” He laughed, but sounded much less joyous and much more frightened than usual, “Actually, I can’t even move right now! Trust me, I’m trying!”

“...I see,” The doctor smirked as he stood up straight again and took a step away from the infirmary cot where Nanaki still sat, “Don’t you know? You keep denying your sleep disorder, but you exhibit so many symptoms. Aside from excessive daytime sleepiness… I saw the look on your face when I mentioned hallucinations, and,” He pushed his glasses up his nose, “Now, it seems, you’re showing cataplexy as well. Do you know what that is? It’s a paralysis of the muscles similar to that which occurs during R.E.M. sleep. Seventy percent of narcoleptics have the symptom on top of their EDS. It’s usually triggered by intense feelings of anger or fear. I’m guessing this was the latter… or, well, panic. A form of fear.”

“Hey now, who’s to say that I was panicking?” He asked, but it was completely obvious that he was /still/ panicking, even now.

“Results don’t lie, Nanaki,” Iwamine chuckled.

“Ehhh?? What’s that supposed to mean?” He questioned, pouting as he calmed down enough to move again, immediately standing up and folding his arms over his chest. 

“Such inability to move is clearly cataplexy. The results that don’t lie are the presence of cataplexy, thus confirming both your sleep disorder and the fact that I was able to drive you to such a state of panic that you couldn’t move. You are aware, Nanaki, how much trouble that could one day get you into?”

“Well, now I am!” He laughed, making his ways towards the door, “But then again, I suppose I’ve always been one to endanger myself! Sleeping so often can’t possibly be safe either…”

“Mm. You’re only coming to this conclusion now?” Iwamine raised his eyebrows, adjusting his glasses.

“Well, I have known it for a while, but given that it doesn’t seem anything’s happened to me, I guess that I’m just lucky,” He shrugged, smiling again as his earlier panic faded.

“Lucky or oblivious,” Shuu stated simply, glancing at him for a moment, “There’s no way for you to know what happens while you’re asleep, after all. Thanks to my watchful eye, of course, nothing has happened to you in this infirmary, but it’s clear you nap elsewhere too…”

“Ahah… I would prefer not to think about such things, Doctor Iwamine! I’ll just comfort myself with the thought that I’m not attractive enough to draw that sort of attention, after all!” What an insult to the late Kazuaki-Kun, “With that in mind, I’m sure that I have been and will continue to be just fine! Besides, if anything did happen to me it’s not like I could change it, so I would rather not know… Ah, but you better not try anything, Doctor!”

“Of course not. If I was to harm you in any way I would much prefer you be conscious for it,”Shuu chuckled a bit, then waved his hand dismissively, “In any case, talking about such things is boring me. I can’t even count the amount of concern I have for your well-being, because I haven’t got any at all. I’m sure you’re a busy man, what with washing your hair and such things, so do be on your way.”

“Right! I’ll see you tomorrow, Doctor Iwamine!” He nodded, then waved as he left the infirmary.

“I do believe you will…”

-

“...So you finally woke up, Professor Nanaki,” A cool voice rang in Nanaki’s ears, though his eyes were still closed.

The next day after that first odd encounter, nothing happened; nor did anything the days following. Shuu never followed up on any threats he’d made regarding Nanaki’s fate should he continue to take naps in the infirmary, nor did he bring up the topic of narcolepsy again. Nanaki himself didn’t want to accept that possibility, because accepting that he could have this sleep disorder would also be accepting that Nageki, the Nageki which visited him each night and whispered promises and demands, praise for awful things and insults for good ones… was a hallucination. That he couldn’t trust his senses… no. Nageki was real, he was sure of it. A true and real spectre.

It was precisely five weeks from the first strange encounter before Nanaki woke up to that voice. He was immediately aware of several things. That voice, the owner of it had been able to tell that he’d woken up before he even opened his eyes. Somebody who knew a lot about the human body… but then, he didn’t need deduction to tell him that bit. He could recognize the voice all on its own, accompanied by… a weight on his chest. He opened his eyes.

“This is a horribly uncomfortable position, you know,” Shuu was straddling Nanaki’s chest, leaning over to look him in the eyes over the topes of his glasses. Those eyes… they were ever so slightly red, or at least, had some level of red hue in them, because they were something other than gray. For all that he could almost see in Nanaki’s eyes, however, Nanaki only perceived something to be afraid of in his own. Violent violet. He would have to change that.

“Eheh… Doc… Doctor Iwamine? What exactly are you doing?” He questioned with a wobbling smile, staring up at him with labored breaths under the weight on his lungs. The feeling of breathing like this, it echoed another feeling. A feeling which he had so often morphed into something comforting, but now it plagued him with crystal clarity. Choking, smoke everywhere. It was certainly a task to keep that smile on his face.

“Well, up until now, I was only waiting for you to awaken. Now that you have, it seems, I have a question for you. Be very careful answering this question. It’s multiple choice, but I’m not going to bother telling you your options…” He turned his head to the side, and smirked, “Do you love me?”

“...Listen. I…” Nanaki tried to lift a hand, but found himself paralyzed again. He honestly felt, right now, as if this might be the moment that he died. Here, murdered by the very man he had been trying to kill; and yet, he continued with that smile, “I’m afraid that I’m no longer able to love another creature.”

Shuu grimaced, and moved his hands, pushing them behind Nanaki’s neck only to lift his head up before dropping it unceremoniously back onto the cot. With the pillow removed, that actually hurt, “Wrong answer, Professor.”

“Ah!” He shouted slightly, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment and letting the throbbing die down slightly before responding, “Why are you…?”

“The reason why I’m interested in you may seem trivial. It’s because you remind me of somebody I once knew. How about I tell you the choices you have for a correct answer, then?” He questioned, now stroking Nanaki’s face with both hands, “A. Yes. B. Yes. C. Yes.”

“That doesn’t leave much room for decision-making, Doctor…” He chuckled nervously, but his breath caught in his throat as one of the hands on his face moved to push down on his windpipe, “Ah! All right! Choice B!”

“...You’re lying to me, but…” He trailed off, leaning forward until his bangs were brushing against Nanaki’s face, “I suppose it can’t be helped. I can’t be losing another somebody who’s rooted himself into my heart so firmly. You’ll just have to… Learn, to love me. As a teacher you do like learning, don’t you?” He questioned before leaning down just a bit more, closing the gap and kissing Nanaki, though that effort only served to have his tongue bitten, “Why, you…”

“It does seem as if Cataplexy somehow, at least in my case, doesn’t impact the face, Doctor Iwamine… So I can talk just fine, and I’m not about to go letting you French kiss me, either…” He informed simply, trying not to sound afraid. Trying to sound as relaxed as ever.

“Listen here,” Shuu’s voice seemed to drop an octave as he reached over and grabbed a pair of pliers from a tray, “As much as it would pain me to ruin your beautiful smile, if you bite my tongue again, I will not hesitate to remove each and every one of your teeth… Understand?”

Nanaki only nodded fearfully. On the inside, he was screaming. Unable to move and entirely at the mercy of this mad doctor… But most of all, he just wanted to tell him exactly how he really felt. All the hatred, all the spite, all the pure bloodlust that he felt towards Isa Souma. Towards Shuu Iwamine. Yet, he would not. In this position, well, one wrong move could really and truly endanger him… and he couldn’t very well just allow things to continue as they were, either. He was at an impasse, with this doctor.

“Very good,” Shuu’s smirk grew to nasty smile before he leaned down again, and this time he didn’t get his tongue bitten at all. He cupped Nanaki’s cheeks soon afterwards, and the spit-swapping was thankfully brief. Not so thankfully was the fact that the doctor immediately followed that up by trailing hungry kisses along Nanaki’s jawline, then moving towards his neck, tugging the collar of his shirt aside, only to run into ANOTHER collar before he sat up straight again, then moved slowly to stand beside the cot, pulling Hitori’s helpless form into a seated position in order to undress him most easily; which was exactly what he began to do.

Nanaki could almost relent to this treatment, almost allow himself to be hurt in this way. He’d only ignore it afterwards, anyway. Only cry that one night of the year when he was completely alone, or so he tried to tell himself, but the kisses alone had left him wanting to vomit. His worst enemy. His worst enemy was now doing something like this to him; And yet, it was only as his shawl was pulled over his head that he began to truly panic. And Nageki, Nageki barked all those fears into his ear and made them that much worse.

“If he undresses you, then he will see the scars.”  
“If he sees the burn scars, he could realize who you are.”  
“If he realizes who you are, then everything will mean nothing-”

“...Shut up. I know,” He said in a choked whisper, just for Nageki to hear. Not Shuu, and Shuu couldn’t, as he worked through the buttons on one of his many layers, “But there’s nothing I can do…” And as he said that, he found himself crying. Crying for the first time in a long time, as Shuu revealed the scars, and yet…

Nothing was said.

It was only paranoia, plenty of people have burn scars.

There were no more words at all, as Shuu explored each part of Nanaki’s body with his bony hands, with his lips, and licked away his tears; And for every bit of skin that Iwamine touched, Nanaki found himself wishing more and more that he actually would have burned to ashes on that day when he should have died.

He wanted to burn it all away.

The tainted touch.

The memories.

And yet, he couldn’t. Just as the cataplexy had trapped him into this inexorable stillness, Nageki had trapped him into taking revenge. Trapped him into living this life. Continuing forward even when he was so defiled by the person who he loathed most in the world-

But perhaps second-most, now, was Nageki.


	2. Chapter 2

“…If you change your mind and decide it’s time to exact revenge again, I never met either of you, understand?”

“Come on, Shirogane… That would never happen. Probably.”

“Hohoho, how wonderful. I can feel the suspense in the air!”

“Somehow I feel like attempting to apply ethical guidelines to either of you is completely futile.”

-  
That assessment made on their characters by one of the students, well, it was certainly accurate. Nanaki knew it to be completely true; he had done some really terrible things, and for what? And Iwamine… As much as Nanaki wanted to write him off as pure evil, that wasn’t quite true. There was a misguided motive behind a few of the horrible things that Iwamine had done, at least. For Kawara… He had done some of those nasty deeds. Many of them could still be unendingly villified, particularly the misdeeds that were against Nanaki in particular;

Ah, but he couldn’t go thinking like that. Nageki had told him to forgive Isa Souma, and to forgive himself. It was obvious that he’d done some pretty awful things himself, in order to get there, to see Nageki. The real Nageki, not that awful fake Nageki who had turned his desire for revenge from a genuine wish to only hoping if he succeeded, it would make that hated shadow leave him be. The real Nageki who saw into his heart and saw how all the regret must have fallen down and crushed it, when he learned that Nageki didn’t want revenge after all. It was only Nageki’s request that he forgive, forgive Isa Souma and forgive himself, that left him with any determination to stay alive at all.

And to care for the now wheelchair-bound Shuu Iwamine… Well, as he said, it was really only polite to take responsibility for the injuries he had inflicted. More polite than Iwamine had ever been with the hurt he caused, but then, Nanaki tried to be a better man. Not by much; he was an awful man. But better than Shuu Iwamine. Shuu who was now living in a much cleaner house with much better food.

Nanaki could have very well taken the doctor to his own apartment rather than moving into his; the building was just as unpleasant as the person who lived in it, particularly when he first got there only to find that while the infirmary was kept immaculate, the doctor’s home was distinctly not. Proof positive that Iwamine considered the infirmary to be more his living space than his actual home was. In any case, it was much nicer now. Nanaki was quite excellent at housekeeping, in peculiar ways. He had gone through great efforts to keep his own apartment exactly the way Kazuaki had left it…

And well, maybe that was the reason that Iwamine’s house became the living space for both of them once Nanaki was his official caretaker. Room 701, that apartment, it was really never meant for anybody but Kazuaki Nanaki. Being in Iwamine’s house did make him incredibly uncomfortable, only with the vibe of it belonging to somebody who he still hated so much. He had… forgiven, as Nageki had asked, but only in technicality. He still hated the doctor, though his reasons may not all be the same anymore.

It was only a few weeks in, after all the paperwork had gone through and Nanaki was officially Shuu’s caretaker, as well as already having cleaned up the house quite a bit, that anything even seemed to happen. The two most morally questionable people that most of St Pigeonation’s would probably ever meet, hardly spoke to eachother for several weeks while living together. Perhaps it was only because they had nothing to say, or maybe because they had… too much.

“...Cooking again?” Shuu questioned as he looked up from the book he’d been reading. A medical journal, though he would probably never perform surgery again, he was still employed at St. Pigeonation’s, only as a more traditional infirmary nurse than he had been during his previous time there. Nanaki no longer taught math, instead serving as the aide, given the previous student aide had recently perished, and /somebody/ had to fetch and carry things for the doctor, after all. As it was, he seemed to be spending every moment now, with Iwamine, and he couldn’t very well say he enjoyed that fact… yet, it was a burden he would have to carry.

“Ah… it’s not like I do it that often! I only cook one meal, after all…” He answered brightly. He wasn’t sure why he kept up this behavior, even now. Maybe what fueled his joyfulness and relaxed attitude had actually been his hatred all along, rather than just an attempt to seem harmless. Besides, these days, it clearly unnerved Shuu to see him just as smiley as ever, “Sometimes two, on weekends! I have to be a good boyfriend though, so of course I’m going to make you nice homecooked meals!”

“I’m fairly certain that title was forfeited when you tried to kill me,” His voice was flat, and most certainly deadpan.

“Ah, but that’s nonsense! If acts of violence automatically ended relationships in your book, then all that time you were calling me your boyfriend before is totally wrong!” He chuckled, putting the pan back down on the stove after flipping the sandwich he was making and walking over to Shuu, crouching down in front of him until they were at eye level, “But since things like that seem like a normal part of a relationship to you. And one little murder attempt, I can claim that’s part of a normal relationship to me, can’t I? So it looks like we’re stuck together.”

“I don’t understand you. A month ago you would have been relieved, to stop being in a relationship with me. Why the sudden change of heart?” Iwamine questioned, narrowing his eyes and reaching one hand out towards Nanaki. Since being shot, his motor skills were at an all-time low, but it wasn’t like he was completely incapable of moving. Nanaki only stood up and stepped backwards, “And even now, you shy away from my touch…” He grimaced in annoyance, looking up at him, “Why?”

“Because I’ve known you long enough. Just because I tried to kill you… Doesn’t mean you’ve stopped saying that we’re dating,” He smirked, crossing his arms, “What, did you think I wouldn’t notice you on your phone? I never realized you had friends before… But of course, you were careless,” He reached down and pulled Shuu’s phone out of his pocket with ease, “And I read everything. You’ve got all hells of delusions…” He chuckled, then dropped the phone back in his lap, “Ah, but what do I care if you want to tell some pedophile message-board friend of yours that you’re still getting laid on the regular? Won’t change the truth.”

“Regardless of how I may refer to you, if you’re going to call yourself my boyfriend the least you could do is kiss me.”

“Hmm… No! I don’t want to do that!” Nanaki shrugged, grinning as he turned around and went back to the stove, the sandwiches now being just about done. He put one on a plate for himself, then handed another to Shuu, though the doctor grabbed his wrist instead of the plate. He just looked at him with a vaguely annoyed expression, “Just take the plate, Iwamine.”

“I hope you realize, Nanaki, now that you’ve spoken to me again I’m not going to give up on you. I said I was going to make you love me. I’m going to succeed,” He hissed, but let go of Nanaki’s wrist.

“Ah, yes, of course. Because years of public humiliation, threats, and rape is the /perfect/ way to get somebody to fall for you! Especially somebody who has previously stated that he’s no longer able to love anyone or anything, in any way. Really, a brilliant plan,” He grinned as Iwamine took the plate from him, tilting his head to the side with that smile that seemed less cheerful and much more sarcastic now.

“Come on now, Nanaki. That’s the past. Why are you such a bitter person? It’s not fitting of someone who smiles as much as you,” Iwamine spoke as if he were only asking a simple question, like what Nanaki’s favorite color was, rather than asking why he didn’t appreciate the torment he’d been put through.

“Eheh? Bitter, me?” He questioned, then popped the brakes on Iwamine’s wheelchair with his foot and kicked it slightly, sending him into the wall. It was a very light push, and the impact was really nothing worth mentioning, but it hurt anyway because of his posture, “No, not at all, why would I be bitter? It’s not like you would walk into my classroom and kiss me in front of students, not like you blackmailed me with oh-so-gruesome things if I tried to fight back against those frequent and unwanted advances of yours… Or anything like that…” He stepped closer, fists clenched, “And if that wasn’t enough, your connection to the headmaster, well, I couldn’t very well report you to a member of your own family… You had my hands tied metaphorically, and occasionally literally too. You took advantage of my medical condition to do anything you liked to me… But why would I be bitter?”

“Well, when you put it that way, I suppose it does make some level of sense,” Iwamine muttered, turning his head to the side and grimacing, “However, it was only your weaknesses that I exploited, and if you’d just had the common sense to consent from the start…”

“Well, you have weaknesses too now,” Nanaki’s voice seemed to drop as he stepped closer, then leaned over Shuu, one arm resting on the arm of his chair and the other gripping a wheel, “I couldn’t move at all, when you did those things to me. I was too afraid… Now look at you. So you can move, but you’re weak. Like this, I could do anything I wanted to you…”

“So why don’t you?” Iwamine questioned, looking up at him. One of the most unsettling things about this situation was that Nanaki was now practically taller than him, since he could no longer stand up and hence no longer be at his full height.

“Because there’s nothing that I want to do to you, of course!” He stood up straight again and turned around, crossing one arm over his chest and raising the other dismissively, far enough out that Shuu could see it, “Well, except cause you a whole lot of pain, but knowing you, anything I could possibly try to hurt you… you’d enjoy!” He dropped his cheerful tone again to speak with disdain, “Sick fuck. Pathetic. I don’t know how I was ever scared of you.”

“At this point I’m not sure whether to call you Nanaki or Uzune…” Shuu muttered.

“Me neither!” He giggled somewhat as he turned to face Shuu once more, clasping his hands in front of his chest, “Isn’t that ridiculous? They’re both just me, after all…”

“You’re still afraid of me,” Iwamine noted, and Nanaki froze, dropping his hands to his sides.

“No, no, that’s ridiculous! I’m not frightened at all of you! You can’t do anything now!” He laughed it off, shaking his head.

“While it’s true that I can’t do anything, it’s obvious you still fear me. If you were really comfortable around me, you’d pick a persona and stick to it… but here you are, slipping between that act and the way you really feel…”

“That’s ridiculous! Last I checked, Doctor Iwamine, you were a physical doctor, not a psychologist!” Nanaki crossed his arms, looking away from his charge.

“...In any case, you were correct when you said there’s nothing you could do that I wouldn’t enjoy. I’m normally not much of a masochist, but if it were you, Nanaki…” He licked his lips for effect, and Nanaki shuddered, hugging his arms around himself and taking a step back.

“Disgusting…” He sneered.

“Oh, but you know,” Iwamine moved his hands to rest his chin on them, very slowly, as all of his movements seemed to be, “It’s only because I love you so much, Nanaki.”

“You don’t love me,” He scowled, shaking his head.

“Oh no, I do love you. I’m completely enamored with you, possibly more than anyone else in my life. The person you reminded me of… my feelings towards him could never be put into action. You, however. You were so easy to terrify into that cataplexy of yours… and I’m still holding onto a bit of hope, you know. Perhaps someday you’ll realize you felt similarly towards me the entire time.”

“That’s never going to happen, Iwamine! That isn’t how the world works!” He was shouting now, letting his anger show through for once, “You can’t just hurt somebody over and over and expect that to make them give a damn about you! Saying that you /love/ me isn’t going to make me forgive you. Hell, it’s just gonna make me hate you even more.”

“And here I thought you already forgave me. Are you going against your precious Nageki’s wishes again? Tsk. Uzune…” He chided, shaking his head.

“...Listen here,” Nanaki sounded sinister as he approached Iwamine, then in one swift movement, quicker than anything that Shuu could manage anymore, had a hand against his throat, pressing hard. Not too hard, but it was far from a light touch, and something seemed to glisten in his eyes as that grin split his face again, “Don’t call me that. Hitori Uzune is dead. Hitori Uzune wouldn’t forgive you at all, but Professor Nanaki… would forgive you enough. If it weren’t for Nageki’s words, you would be dead right now, one way or another. It’s thanks to him that you’re still here. If he hadn’t told me to forgive you for causing his death… I would never in a thousand years be the caretaker of somebody like you. You are scum, Iwamine. You are a murderer, and a rapist, and a fucking /cannibal/. If I killed you, I’d be doing the whole world a favor…”

“So I’m already on as many of your good graces as I can get, I see…” Iwamine muttered, surprisingly enough not leaning forward to try and get closer to Nanaki’s face, “I must be grateful, to Fujishiro, then. I don’t doubt that you /would/ kill me, if he hadn’t told you not to…”

“So why? Why do you still trying, knowing how much I hate you, how much I will a...l...ways…” His grip on Iwamine’s throat loosened, and he went limp, falling onto his lap. Asleep.

“Oh, were you going to say how much you’ll always love me? How romantic…” Shuu taunted his sleeping form, petting his hair back before whispering, “I keep trying, because you never know when you might have a stroke of good luck…” He knew that Nanaki had only been able to curb his narcolepsy well enough that his sleep attacks could be disrupted by loud noises; as long as he kept quiet, then, this was quite the opportunity. Usually he wouldn’t ever do anything without Nanaki being awake and aware of it, at least when he began, but… desperate times did call for desperate measures.

-

Nanaki knew it had happened. He didn’t bring it up, he wouldn’t mention it, but… it was obvious. Of course Iwamine had meant it to be that way. If he’d wanted to be stealthy, Nanaki knew he very well could have. Waking up on the ground only to find his hair… disgusting… was certainly one of the more unpleasant things that had happened in recent times. And here he thought that, with a physical upper-hand over the doctor, he would no longer have to deal with such things. Then again, Iwamine had always been clever. He didn’t go to find him again till after he’d showered, sitting down in the bottom of the shower and holding his shoulders, not getting out until he’d used up all of the hot water and gotten too cold to continue sitting there.

After feeling… slightly cleaner, he got dressed again and went to find Iwamine, returning to total silence for another two weeks. Shuu did try to initiate a few conversations, but found himself thoroughly ignored. That was only to be expected, though. When Nanaki did finally talk to him again, it was only to be an asshole, and only in response to a question. Which was… well, better than silence.

“Why are you always drinking those things? That’s ridiculous and infantile,” Shuu questioned one day as he watched Nanaki sitting on his kitchen counter, drinking a juicebox while doing something on his phone. He knew it to be mobile sudoku; Nanaki never really played any games on his phone, but seemed to enjoy that.

“Because capri-sun is my shit,” He answered, much to Iwamine’s surprise, and strangely enough in a deadpan tone, though he was still smiling.

“...I see,” Iwamine nodded slowly, “And you can’t get this in a bottle instead, why?”

“Because it only comes in juice pouches,” Nanaki shrugged, then looked up and threw the half-full pouch at Shuu. It hit him squarely in the nose, “Try some.”

“I am not going to try any of this. It’s probably full of chemicals-”

“You didn’t know the /meaning/ of the term organic food until I started cooking for you. That’s not a good excuse. Go on. You know that drinking from the same straw is like an indirect kiss, right? That’s the most you’d be getting out of me so you may as well cherish it.”

“It’s unlike you to indulge me even that much. What, did you put poison in the juice pouch or something?” He questioned, holding it up after retrieving it from his lap before it spilled.

“Of course not, I was drinking it too up until a few seconds ago when I threw it at you!”

“That proves nothing. I know you crave the sweet embrace of death.”

“Ah, that’s right. The only embrace that I could ever crave, these days!” He grinned directly at Shuu as he hugged himself dramatically, exaggerating his point and taunting him, “Ah, but that would be silly of me anyway… killing you with /poison/ would just not be fulfilling enough!”

“If only your desire to murder me stood a chance of transforming into a desire to be with me…” He grumbled, but did try the juice pouch, “This is disgusting.”

“Ah, to each his own! I like capri-sun, and you don’t! You like the idea of having me as your toy to play with again, and I don’t!” He laughed, putting his phone away, “You say tomato, I say tomahto, and all that!”

“...It’s getting late. Help me into my bed,” He requested, and Nanaki sighed, but stood up. As his legal caretaker, at least he would do that job well. He wasn’t the sort to go back on his word, anyhow, so he took the chair into Shuu’s room then moved him over. It was always a mild struggle, if he was to be completely honest. Iwamine was not particularly heavy, certainly, but Nanaki was also not particularly strong. He often doubted he’d have been able to escape his fate even if he hadn’t been fearfully immobile. As he placed him down, Shuu kept one hand around Nanaki’s wrist. Again, his grip was too weak now to be of much use, but he spoke as if it was a deathgrip, “Nanaki. This bed is rather large. Sleep here tonight.”

“...Doctor Iwamine, I most certainly cannot do that,” He explained as if he were speaking to a small child as he pried Shuu’s fingers off of his wrist, “My duties already require me to /bathe/ you, and that is the extent to which you may exploit my position as your caretaker.”

“Goddamn. Were you /always/ this much of a spoilsport, Nanaki?” Iwamine asked, “I can’t say that I recall you being anywhere near as difficult… has our relationship stagnated?”

“Oh, well, of course, back then, I was a little too busy crying to have any clever comebacks,” He smirked, but then it faded, and he sighed, “Ah, but you… don’t feel any guilt at all, do you? If you regained the ability to move, you would do it again in a second… and here I am, stuck seeing you every day. Dealing with you. Living with the man who broke whatever part of me was still intact… who feels no remorse. Even now, you keep on trying… You’re never going to change.”

“...Why, Nanaki. You sound awful,” There was no compassion to his words, only a statement of the truth, “Almost as if… you’re giving up.”

Nanaki didn’t respond to that. He stood there, limp, for several minutes before he slid into the bed as well, and Shuu’s face split in some sort of twisted ecstasy as he touched Nanaki’s face, staring at him for quite a while before trailing his hands along the rest of his form with a dark and horrendous joy.

And Nanaki cried.  
But… silently.

-

A Christmas tree stood undecorated in the corner of the living room.

Iwamine had convinced Nanaki to get it, out of a sense of nostalgia. Neither of them cared much about the holiday, but having a tree, and having Nanaki at his disposal, gave Shuu a sense of pride. A passive-aggressive post-mortem way of spiting that last person who hadn’t loved him back. Ever since that night, all the spark had gone out of Nanaki. He was really and truly broken now, following the words that Iwamine said, miserable and lackluster. Even now, when he should have had all the power over Shuu, he had become his puppet again. His plaything.

His ‘boyfriend’.

Nanaki had argued that a tree would be a fire hazard. Iwamine had argued back that the scars the both of them had weren’t about to suffer if they got a little bit worse, and that had been the end of that. Iwamine was proud, that he had managed to banish that ever-present smile from Nanaki’s face. He knew by then that Nanaki would never care about him, but the next best thing was to destroy him into such a state that he would never leave. Shuu had taken back the power he’d lost when Nanaki had shot him, back then.

It was Christmas Eve. Neither of them had cared enough to decorate the tree. It looked rather sad, really, especially in the darkness. In this house, since that night, lights were barely turned on. just enough to get around and not enough to make the house well-lit in the slightest. All the curtains were drawn, except for one window which gave a very lovely view of the air-conditioning control and the brick wall of the next place over.

Yet, something in the atmosphere was different that night. For as much as he’d wanted to spite that man, he still found himself thinking of him this night. And as much as Nanaki had tried to stop caring, it was nights like these that reminded him of his loneliness. Iwamine was not company; he was only a terror. Many, truly many years ago, Nanaki enjoyed the holidays. Nobody at Heartful House really followed any religion, but they always celebrated any holiday they could afford to. The sense of family that it gave them… was well worth the effort…

Nanaki stole a glance over at Iwamine while he poured tea, to see he was reading again. Always, always reading, wasn’t he? Nanaki’s movements were all like those of a ragdoll who’d been possessed by a very lethargic ghost, and yet, looking at Iwamine again now filled him with rage. The cap of apathy which he’d kept over his emotions since giving up on happiness… fell off.

That had been the night he knew he’d never escape Shuu Iwamine. The night he knew that he may as well just let him do what he wanted, because he’d never stop, and Nanaki would never get any less miserable. He’d pushed himself over an edge into feeling nothing at all, but now all of that shattered as he looked at that face and remembered all the emotions he’d felt before, everything he felt now…

He walked over to Iwamine and poured the entire teapot right onto the book he was reading.

“...Nanaki. Don’t tell me you’ve decided you have free will again. That would really be a pain…” He muttered as he closed the now-soaked book and let it drop onto the ground. Much to his surprise, Nanaki didn’t offer up any actual response, instead hiding his face in his hands and dropping to his knees before he began sobbing. It was a strange and intense sort of fit, and Iwamine could immediately tell it was entirely unique. Nanaki had never cried like this before.

It was an expression of hopelessness. He wanted to continue fighting back against Shuu and his twisted ideas, yet he knew that Iwamine would always find some way or another to win. Apathy and submission had seemed like an okay path, to disassociate himself from the situation as much as he could, to withdraw his thoughts away from his body, but it hadn’t helped, and had only made Iwamine that much more confident. He knew now, and these choked sobs showed, that he knew there was no way for him to win. He was always going to be at the mercy of his worst enemy.

“...Nanaki. You know that you’re not the only person who I did those things to, right?”

“Of course I know that!” He snapped between weak breaths, sounding pathetic despite being at top volume, “To do such awful things without even hesitating, of course you would have to be a serial rapist!”

“You aren’t the only person, but… you are the only person I ever wanted to love me. Anyone else was really just a… casual affair, shall we say. You’ve always been somebody special-”

“Listen!” He screamed, then fell silent for a few moments, even going as far as to hold his breath before whispering, “Can you hear that…? That’s the sound of my soul, screaming…” He shook his head, tears still falling and eyes full of fear, “I never wanted to be somebody special! I would have rathered you just killed me that day, fucked my /corpse/ if you really needed to… I should have died in that facility fire, I really should have…!”

“...You really do want to die, don’t you?” Iwamine asked softly.

“No!” He screamed, wrapping his arms around himself and collapsing onto his side before curling up and holding his face again, “Not without killing you first…! But I can’t kill you, if I kill you then I’ve just… let Nageki down again…”

“...He told you to dispose of his body. You didn’t. His liver remained. He told you to live and be happy… you haven’t. You’ve been miserable. He told you to forgive me… and you did, as much as you could,” He was practically whispering now, in sharp contrast to Nanaki’s noise level, “But what’s one more disappointment? Go on. Kill me.”

“I can’t… I can’t do that… All I want… All I want in this world is to kill you, and to die, and yet, I can’t…” He shook his head franctically.

“Well,” Iwamine started, “What if this was, perhaps… a suicide thing.”

Those words left Nanaki dead silent.

A suicide thing.

Huh.

“What do you mean…?” He asked, volume level dropping.

“You, miserable in this horrible relationship, take your own life. And I, distraught over the death of my lover, follow suit,” It was like he was suggesting a nice picnic date. Not at all like he was offering up a suicide pact, “Ah, but time of death can’t be determined so exactly that we’d need to go in that order. In fact, I could go first. Then you’d get to see me die. Would you like that… Nanaki?”

He sat up slowly, staring at Shuu. He seemed completely serious… so he stood up, and walked over to the kitchen, pulling out two knives, then handing one, handle side out, to Iwamine silently, “You do know that this won’t make me love you, right? I hate you. I’ll always hate you. Every day since I started taking care of you, I’ve wanted nothing more than to push your wheelchair straight off of a cliff.”

“I understand…” Iwamine nodded, then smirked slightly, “But, a man can hope, can’t he?” He took a deep breath, pressing the knife against his own chest until he found the perfect spot. Ah, yes. Bound to be lethal…

Nanaki had in part, expected that Iwamine wouldn’t do it.  
Oh, but he really did.

It was satisfying.  
And as he made the swift movement to slit his own throat now, he thought,

Wasn’t this a poignant end for him?

A suicide pact.

That was how all Kazuaki Nanakis were fated to go, it seemed.


End file.
